riding and the mindscape

The past two mornings I rode sorta early, but not long due to “commitments” like Dr. appts and oh, that thing called client work. Each morning I started out not wanting to be there, but also wanting to have gotten out earlier so that I could have more time to ride. This morning, I wanted to ride, but also, wanted to sleep, cuz I was really tired, and well, lazy. So, I am here in the office of mine, have to get some work done, and totally regretting not forcing myself to go for that ride. Not going to be able to ride tomorrow, going to Boston for WordCamp, and Sunday, well, unless I can scrape myself out of bed early early, it will be too hot, and too busy and I am going to have to take them somewhere, cuz he will be itchy bitchy.

The point that I get to on a ride, where it becomes not just something that I have to do, but something that I am just doing, is a savior. I don’t do any of the old fantasies on the ride, I mostly turn off the brain, enjoy the scenes and the multitudes of people that I encounter on the ride. There is always someone out riding. It is so damn cool. really. And I am wanting to stay here, just for the nice bike trail. I am amazed when I come upon someone, and I smile and say good morning or whatever, and they barely acknowledge me. Yesterday had one woman, when I went past her I said good morning and she did not even look at me. It was close to my turn around and when I came up on here again in a mile, and told her I was on her left, she waved this big exasperated wave and as I went past, she “geeshed”. How can someone who is out riding a bike be so negative, so wrapped up in herself? In whatever she was holding in? She probably needs to sit on the bowl and have a good shit. But I digress, as usual.

My state of mind after a ride is feeling good, feeling wonderful, ready to handle anything. For a few hours. But comes the evening and the NOISE that is the TV every waking moment at the house. I really have trouble staying sane. Last night it was past 11 before he turned it off. I was about to go insane. I want to take off and go for a ride in the car, but that sucks up money in gas, and that is not something that I afford to do. I am going to be doing the weaning from me being there starting next week. I just cannot handle anymore of the noise. I am a quiet person now. quiet in my life, and style and demeanor, always have been. I need to stay focused on me being me now. It’s what I am doing. the three words. simplify. focus. heart. me. me. and I do not feel selfish. I have spent the past few years doing doing doing for others. It is me time.

Oh, and the 60th? yeah, all about me.

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